Wednesday, September 15, 2010

time drawing near, what do I feel

Fraser's birthday was done well, Poppy took me by surprise, bless him, and shouted us all for dinner that night, after I invited him and Brenda along at really very short notice, i.e., 11am that morning.
I can't top that- I was all prepped up to pay.

The boy appreciated it all, specially getting a second helping of parma chicken. With pineapple. And he really likes his new camera, just wish he would read up some more on using it, rather than just snappin away.

I feel sad as usual, as Tarns anniversary draws near.

We will probably do the usual thing of driving out to the cemetery with some of the garden flowers. She would not believe some of the beautiful camellias that have appeared from under a huge weed of a bush I cut back just a few years ago.

There are two times we go out there that are Dates, her birthday, and  her anniversary.

I go out there to sometimes be by myself, or get away from something I cannot change and think how to go about handling thiongs.

My memory of Tarn has no bearing really on what I do, we were both singular people, that wanted kids.
How I handle things now is not affected by thoughts of how she would have handled things, at all
It is too hard to imagine in actuality.
It's strange to say that, (my shoulders just shrugged as I write), but it's true.
Common sense and a moral sense of what is right and true are what I follow.
Truth hurts and so does honesty, just don't ask me to explain, I have such a tortured lil ol sole.

The camellia flowers are falling all over the place there is so much. The mandarin tree has so much fruit, I think Tarn would have loved that, as she like to force fresh fruit down my very unwilling throat all the time, cos I was a man, and peeling fruit really is just too hard in any case.

Amazing re-growth after being in the shade for years.

Like the kids. Not shaded out, but just growing.

My beautiful young people.

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