Wednesday, August 24, 2011

My last one just walking by

It was her mother!
Well, not really.
But the other day, after parent teacher interviews with her big brother's teachers, I had to grab this pic of gel#1b.
My ninja!

To some this will embody her mum.

I have to confess, I was so intent on seeing that I was seen to give a shit about her brother, that I was pretty late picking up gel#1a from school band practice and there were tears again as she got in the car (2 weeks in a row- what's wrong with me?) to go to our brass band lesson.

And that made me sad. Running out of time.

Tarn would have killed me for pruning this so hard!
Reminds me of time of year- not just the garden.

I had no great words for the paper for Tarn's obit, nor will ever, just daggy run ons like this. Every week there are little paragraphs in the local paper- 'in memorium'. After the fact, an anniversary.

I keep promising me to put one in, missed the tenth, and will not put one in this year, cannot out the words together so succinctly, and the ones I see in the paper make me grind my teeth with jealousy. The next few weeks will be difficult enough, and I am sure there will be people tiptoeing around me, some that won't, and some that won't give a shit- 'dragging it out aren't you?'.
Stupidos. Bstds.

maybe here, I will say,
I miss her
She was bossy
She was good to me
She made me do it
She let me do it
I had to insist on some things, or let time work it out, but she'd come round as if it were her idea
I miss her
We were good together. I think.
My best friend, but some how I don't think I was hers. She had some good BFFs.
I was bad and grumpy, and was never put in my place. Later, so much late, after seeing that video, I am ashamed of being so selfish, and so will not pursue anyone else any more, old dog syndrome I think. Grumpy old man.

See, can't put that in a paper.
Not the cherry tree from her sister(MIA)- a blood plum in blossom

1 comment:

  1. Beautiful Tone,

    Doesn't matter how many years go will always miss her and all that she's missed out on.

    And you were good together....two peas in a pod I think.

    I'll be thinking of you and the kids over the next few weeks, as I always do. Its a hard time of year...wish I was there to give you a hug on the 20th.

    love you!

    D xxxx x