Been in the desert with just internet

Been in the desert with - just internet

Strange to say, that being without the close knit family members around, seems I am not really shallowly missing them, as/but I have the Been in the desert with just internet for nearly four weeks to keep in touch with them all.

Missing a person permanently gone for ever is different, but the kids and others- I Vill Be Bach! You guys are still in  my heart and on my mind. A little messaging very few days, a quick email if I remember to, they are close that way.

Been in the desert with just internet and while I am away; The #2Son is supposedly doing all the household chores, washing, yard chores, mail and childminding chores on top of studying like mad for his last year at school exams in the hope of being a driver of an ambulance- if not a paramedic... [Pretty sure it was the fast thing about the career- not the blood and guts... Ve Vill See...] But my "leedle shpiez" tell me that the actual quality of the house work done at home is enough that you can see     -   the doors and walls and ceilings..... and he gets his friends staying over to do some of it for him! how to win friends and influence people... Oh dear me, if I get home to a-------!

Now the #1Son, what a good one that is, not in comparison or anything to #2Son, but I reckon he will be a good catch the way he has stepped in as chaperon for the Gels this last weekend- they went to an aunts he's Night luncheon(I know- luncheon?), and then maybe (window!) shopping back in The Big Smoke with Big Brother (I can see his face now- get used to it...). He aint well this week, tonsillitis the doc reckons, so I wish him better health soon, as well as good luck with last semester uni stuff.

The gels now, I think they may miss me, but early teens- probably say they do just to shut me up! I hear that they are being good, from their aunt, I hope so, she has been kind enough to take them on for initially a few weeks, but as this old desert job carries on longer, she or I may have to pack them off to boarding school! JOKE! But looks they are growing up, sensible and all. Did I mention under a little duress and help that the braces are on their teeth now, so in the end all I am is the money cow after I look after That! 

Been in the desert with just internet and no TV is a shocker- but that has been changed- we now have satellite- 999 channels and only the ABC shows to amuse me... Like missing beer and the kids, "Hmm, Am I Really?" (I say only the ABC- I meant to try to catch Craig Ferguson the other night, but I missed the Late Late Show by That Much, I went for dinner in disgust).

Been in the desert with just internet and no household chores, no dishes, no cooking, no cleaning, no bed making even, no taxi rides around town for overnights or band outings. Been okay for a leedle break from raising kids for a change, as long as the work done(?) is paid for.

Been in the desert with just internet, heat, crows, dust... Hope it will be worth it, xmas is coming...

While I remember

For those with Loved ones not at home

This week I found out that some of my kid's friends are at home with only one parent.

To be sure, maybe I should have been more informed, but these days, I an pretty busy in my own way. Selfish I suppose, but.

"A" has her mum recovering from really bad problems in a 'old peoples' place.

"D"'s mum is also recovering, from brain surgery, there for a about a year now at the same place as "A's" mum.

I did not know.

Now I do. Tonight. Xmas Eve aboot. To boot!

So I am not alone, in my town, raising tweens and teens.

Worst thing, I only know now-  communications are fuzzy.

As I thought about it just now, is it in my what-would-you-say? to visit them, and reach out to my friends dads and mix?

Not many in twelve years in this town offered to get to know me and mine or help out about my loss.

I have not reached out too- to me, looks like these kids dads have not so much either.

Is our community that selfish or withdrawn or so full of it self?

Now- I want to visit these ladies and gents but not sure how?

Rush in saying I remember you from back then or not, or what ever?

As usual, Nah? is not right.

With my baggage already?

Mu immediate feelings were shock, and wow, I did not know, and now guilt. My kid's friends families need something, what can I do?
But I do 'want to do', but I want some direction, I am asking for some positive feedback on how to help these dads and mums.

Help me out or not, flowers are on the way.

Sadder Each Time Now

Mother's Day for My Gels

Is getting to me

Each year, the girls seem to appreciate more the loss of a mum they never knew.

Adelaide, I think.

The last few years has been a bit gut wretching for me, to keep a stiff upper lip, to not let my tears show too much as we visit their mum's grave site, as I hold the twin's hands on her special days of the year- birthday, Mother's day, the accident anniversary.

Their grandfather seems to be affected by their moods too, at those times out there, so I do not like to invite him along at those times anymore either- I do not know whether that is selfish, but as the oldest child of eldest childs [make sense?], I try to control or have order and try to ensure everybody is not unsatisfied with a situation.

This year, the weather on Tarn's birthday was atrocious. No Visit 'Out There'. Just a little pizza night later that week with the kids and Ken and Brenda.

This week, Mother's Day, another anniversary, weather again unco-operative. However, stiff upper lip and surprise visit, whether they really wanted to or not, to the grave site with some flowers. By the time we got out of the car, the gels were teary. Another short rainy visit. Like the day of the burial. To me, Just Great. Not. Then home via the hospital to see Ken's partner Brenda, who is recovering [well?] from surgery, to give her flowers and cheer her up. Funny thing was, we followed Ken into the car park!

The night before, Son#2 came into my office, and said a little tippsily, that he really like that picture above, and where was it taken. So this blog is for him and his aunt.

For my Mum, I sent flowers, she had visits from at least two of my siblings, so I think Mum had a good weegen.

I appreciate the little things when they come around. Tarnia's little sister has lifted me a bit today, always so nice to read her blog which includes us too.

Stars and Fags

Missing.
And missing? Bad and good

After Tarn had gone, sometimes I would stand outside my back door. With a roll-your-own-cigarette. And a home made milk stout. Missing her and that.

Pondering. She is not to be seen again, held, listened to, care for us, watch the kids grow into the people we had hoped for, share life with.

It is not like divorce I suppose. No. I know.

Back then, now sometimes. Staring at the Southern Cross. Smoking. Sipping- not gulping.

Not being sorry for me, exactly- rather rationalising the not-really-felt-hurt to a future feeling of what-would-be-without-her. Sort of feeling/knowing[?]- I am gunna do this.

A lot of nights like that. Even in England, a few years later, looking at a different sky. Drunk, smoking, staring at a frosty fields and the stars, listening on the phone to the kids at mega-dollars per minute a million miles away. Missing.

And every time now even, when I step out into the night, there is that reminder of what it is/was/is to lose that close one, Tarn. Not of where I am.

Nothing special about that- I spose shallow could be a label. But I am here, with one child out the door, and the twins celebrating twelve years of being in my special presence, the other boy contemplating the complications of life before he leaves the nest.

There is/has/is been a weird idea/feeling that I was groomed- if anything should happen- Know This. [See recipes and other ponderings]. It seems my own parenting and then the shared life with Tarn prepared me to be able to get these dang kids out the door on their own two feet as thinking social individuals.

We did not really connect on each others passions as such, but shared or went with the flow anyway- a gallery show or sailing. We liked each other, the attitude, the affronts, "The Young Ones". The differences- as in country and city mouses that we were. A concert was a direct connect. The kids would have been a battlefield as they reached their teens, reflecting now. All round- not just Them, but between us as well I guess. [I do like gadgets and tv...]

There was supposed to be three kids. In reality there was four successful attempts that I know of, but between the first and second was a loss. While I was at work.

I sometimes wonder if the effects of the vanished child resounded within her for along. Certainly there was, but we did get through a couple of pills/drinks and a realisation- numbness and numbness=Not Good. Maybe there was the thought in her mind that "After a boy child, there Should Be A Girl Child". Tarn never did get to tell me more about the lost child- I think it was too traumatic. Tarn's mother never told me about what happened either- looks like it was just between me and Tarn.

Which was how I lost a probably okay new relationship a few years afterwards- it got to a required numbness and meant less judgement and feelings. Once a balance is regained, the new realisation of how life worked, at the time, meant losing that relationship- not needed? Could we leave it for later? I like to do things myself. Selfish and shallow?

And now looking back after the grieving period, there was a sense of anxiety- and a period of numbness after that.

A lot of, dunno, not excessive , but too much trying with "help". And the stars again. Calls to people not returned in kind. And that fact being revealed/exposed.

Grateful I am to the new friends made since.

Yesterday, I was in the mall, and met a couple from post-Tarn period that I had not seen for ages. Work had gone down in Bass Strait a few years ago. He had been given the choice of Siberia or the road. The road was just fine, "thanks for the loyalty". They were there for whatever, he just back from the Middle East, and they invited me/us to join them for a drink. I was so tempted, and said, "Maybe? Be back soon." The hunt was a failure [birthday shopping], so I returned to them at the coffee shoppe, and the coffee was a unjust reward. We chatted about life. Kids- of their two- one was at uni now like my #1Son and the other nearly finished secondary school. A mutual friend from our former company had died. Another was travelling the world with her partner and children- Paris, Moscow and other places- what a life. Hmm. Another friend was still in The Big Smoke struggling with their health. Contact renewed. Maybe a job prospect down the line- anything to do with new technology and being the beta tester!

I must visit people more. Selfish, shallow and unsocial-able. What else am I? Oh yeah, the point- missing Tarn and smoking. Having just put the scraps in the compost at midnight- Stars above set me off...

Doesn't help sleeping that I propose to toss out her belongings that were too hard to part with years ago. Boxes of letters. Clothes. Travel brochures and Fashion and stuff. I don't know if it is worth anything to her kids now. Me- looks like I am hoarding now. The house is full of unjunk. Do I need a fresh start somewhere else?

Bluudie ell, a ciggie woul' go doon jus so goot rat noo....

Year in Review-2011

All growed up
Changes

Hitting the half century this year and getting a balloon flight from the Family, rather than a weekend at a famous [within the Family] campground grog fest, has had me try to be profound about flying not drinking. Did not work. Which reminds me- I have to organise That Weekend away soonish before the ticket runs out... I try not to read the part of the paper with the "HatchesMatchesDespatches"- some people write too well for me to complete their memorials to their passed on relatives- makes me wince that I could not get it together to honour Tarnia that way- but the circumstances at the time were hard to handle. It may have been nearly eleven and half years ago now, still hurts to be reminded, but maybe I am so full of myself I was/am insulated from the grief now. The kids are nearly all grown up now or half way, but still they need some finishing touches, like acting on hints "dishes", "lawns" "room!".

But they are the nicest people I know.

Also this year-

My eldest boy hit university running rather than take a daggy trip around the world or buy a car. Successfully completed the first year away in the Big Smoke with his mates and only a few musical festivals, bar cruising and the associated hangovers... Cannot believe he will be twenty this year.

Second or Middle child started his eleventh year of schooling and two jobs after school. These jobs are to only be up with the Joneses- ie skateboard, "skatebike", clothes and shoes, girlfriend and an iPhone... A few hangovers, too early for my liking, and ignoring the 7:30pm curfew has me a little annoyed lately. We saw the Foo Fighters together so I suppose we have spent quality time together, at least once? As I have to let him drive my car or van for a mandatory 120 hours behind the wheel before you can take a car licence test... that must count too? We are still awaiting an invitation from the MCC for his junior membership- waiting for 16 years! A trip to Tassie and some surfing weegens were had during the year. Who says the government run schools are shite? Ejits would. He has been less of a handfull this year at home and school, so I think he is going to be a gentleman after all, indeed, his mum would be proud too, like me. I suppose he might miss his mum, but there is a GF and her mum, and his aunts of course. He is spoken highly of when his name comes up, I expect it was hand rearing and the denial of services goodies bike the phone works, and if no lawns are done, then no driving around on his delivery job!

The Twins have done their seven years of primary school now, and expect to get mobiles [or cell] phones and Facebook and Hotmail accounts this year as they approach the Teen Age. [Expect...] I think I will hold it off as long as possible- what can they do? They cannot leave home. Teen peer group pressure may crumble my resolution though. A mistake may have been made granting their siblings those privileges or RIGHTS[?] too early, ie in the first or second year of high school... Their teachers loved having them all year, and they had a good musical year too- brass band, choir and Taiko drumming. With little or no practice too. Means a quiet house... [Other growing stages are yet to hit them, praying to myself- just another year please.] My mum wanted to pay for piano lessons, but apparently the teacher was hard to get on with... All their friends keep them very busy, sleepovers and all that jazz. Putting up with six screaming preteens in the house is a little trying. Yelling out of my cave "ITS NOT THE SCHOOL YARD!" does not seem to work either. Youtube has a lot to answer to as well! It may be a hard start to the new school year as many of their friends are going off to different schools, but I hope that the friendships made this year will last for life.

The folks are still holidaying at the ocean, well, maybe the wrong word, Living by then, but, they are doing as best they can. The fishing, the river, the dog, the cat, the golf club, the shed, the boat, the kayak, the grandchildrens' visits, all close to their hearts. My little worry is that I am too far away to care for them more if needed- has it been worthwhile staying on in Tarn's house, and not moving closer? My visits are not often enough- which also goes for my visiting my siblings- they are all a long drive to go see from here. Or, I am finally living within my budget! But they are all well, and it looks like most of the grandchildren that have finished secondary school are moving on through to the universities. Six of them so far. And one to start primary school soon!

My sister-in-law has moved into their new house, the one I was looking after. They have had a successful year too, their girl growing up on two continents and appears to be taking it all in her stride. Her dad and partner are still going, popping in for a cuppa or dinner now and then.

Alone for now

Weegen fun
Not as

As the kiddliewinks are growing older [or getting up in the social stakes?] and  "What Are We Going To Spend Dad's Money On This Weegen?" ideas come round, I am finding more time to ponder and Procrastinate. About them. Keeps my mind off other things.

Son#2 is off at the horse races today, the local Cup is on, and a bunch of young people are dressed to the 9s on a beautiful sunny day. He has been told to keep away from the stupid underage drinkers... HE has no money and I had no intention of funding it either. I hope he won't miss his sick GF, poor gel has a virus, "going around..." a lot!

The Gels on the other hand are off exploring the Mall with two of their BFs With spare change, they may buy some hot chips. MY spare change and a bit of theirs. One had a sleep over the other night, so it was just me and Gel#1b, then last night, a sleepover with a friend here. Not as loud as anticipated, but nice for them.
It's amazing how nearly independent they have become, I barely have to supervise activities anymore. Apart from the usual House Cleaning and Cat Chores, "Homework?!" and "When was the last time you bothered to have a shower?"

How come they can toilet, turn the TV on  and feed themselves first thing, but the Cat and Dishes are somewhat ignored...? Argh! And never accepting the idea of leaving used clothes by the door prior to sleeping, to be taken to the laundry basket at next morning room exit. Oh No.

And Son#1. Busy making fun at the moment, of the protesters in The Big Smoke I imagine.

Not a happy vibrant post, nor a sad one. Too critical, and probably repeatable the world over.

But as Iwas pondering, these loose bit and pieces may come in handy one day. Like the wood I am collecting for... what exactly?

Four. It may have been nice to have shared it all. That's what I was pissed off about eleven years ago.

Just another..Day

Another Anniversary
Thank you to those that have acknowledged it.

I won't be taking the kids out to the plot today. So far.

It's cold and wet, I have a cold, and too much a reminder of the funeral day

The last time, the gels were upset, not sure how they got that way, maybe my vibes were bad and catchy.

I think the feelings get harder to bear each passing year- but it's only a day. Or Week. And it passes.

Tarn would be pretty chuffed to see where we are at present. Not up our selves or struggling too badly.

The eldest child all adult like and pursuing a life much like we had ourselves so many years ago, that was such a great time. It is weird not having him as the rock around the house- a sure thing as a sounding stone, let's hope he does well this first year away.

The second child is also becoming such a new responsible young adult too, a couple of after school jobs, a smart beautiful girlfriend, and he is actually liking some school subjects. His aim at this time is to work to live- GF, skate, bike, iphone... Doing some work experience at a cafe this week...

And the gels are so close to becoming young women, it is scary. A very social pair, they are the best-est ever friends. But they are not getting phone or FB until later on next year if I can help it, the telephone and Facetime are getting enough of a workout at this time.

I retreat more and more to books, the net and telly, but also wanting to take off with them somewhere. Plans of mice and men. Obligations. Needs and wants. Have to things and Cannots.

My last one just walking by

It was her mother!
Well, not really.
But the other day, after parent teacher interviews with her big brother's teachers, I had to grab this pic of gel#1b.

My ninja!

To some this will embody her mum.

I have to confess, I was so intent on seeing that I was seen to give a shit about her brother, that I was pretty late picking up gel#1a from school band practice and there were tears again as she got in the car (2 weeks in a row- what's wrong with me?) to go to our brass band lesson.

And that made me sad. Running out of time.

Tarn would have killed me for pruning this so hard!

Reminds me of time of year- not just the garden.

I had no great words for the paper for Tarn's obit, nor will ever, just daggy run ons like this. Every week there are little paragraphs in the local paper- 'in memorium'. After the fact, an anniversary.

I keep promising me to put one in, missed the tenth, and will not put one in this year, cannot out the words together so succinctly, and the ones I see in the paper make me grind my teeth with jealousy. The next few weeks will be difficult enough, and I am sure there will be people tiptoeing around me, some that won't, and some that won't give a shit- 'dragging it out aren't you?'.
Stupidos. Bstds.

maybe here, I will say,
I miss her
She was bossy
She was good to me
She made me do it
She let me do it
I had to insist on some things, or let time work it out, but she'd come round as if it were her idea
I miss her
We were good together. I think.
My best friend, but some how I don't think I was hers. She had some good BFFs.
I was bad and grumpy, and was never put in my place. Later, so much late, after seeing that video, I am ashamed of being so selfish, and so will not pursue anyone else any more, old dog syndrome I think. Grumpy old man.

See, can't put that in a paper.

Not the cherry tree from her sister(MIA)- a blood plum in blossom

Little ol lady, grrrr

A rant and rage, not family value

Uh oh, it's .....here

The Kid Doc Prog...
Looks Like "We are There"

Penultimate visit, climatic moment, the pre bit is over, now I am in for the Terrible Teen Twin Syndrome.
Fer Shure...

With luck, some nice female rels I know may bail me out, by taking them away? Or being on permanent Red Alert (hint) for the next two years. I am prepared, bathroom cupboard has essentials, and by last weegen phone calls, the bitchy part of nature is starting to reveal itself too I think. The recent sweet school photos are hiding something, or maybe I am paranoid. Since Easter..... things are changing.

Son#2 was or can be even now a sullen sob at times, and now that I have been through that shite/going thru I can see the "evilness" coming upon me. Woe is me. Why was Son#1 so easy at this stage. Or. Was. It. ? Hm.

I am in no position pike out of it either. It is somewhat amusing that I keep thinking now, "Tarn would be/do/not/hoping/glad/panic/...etc/etc"

I may even have to enlist some of the boy's female friends to find out whether I am on the right track or not.

The kid docs prognosis is [twilight zone music or gremlins?] that we, they, are officially not far off a visit to.....

Myers Bra Outfittery?

Lonesome Breakfast Times These Days, & Stings

The weekend, and today...


Breakfast Today
The three progs* left at home these days are getting so autonomous, I could leave home  for a few weeks and nearly be comfortable with that on a rig in the North Sea...

Not really.

I can sort of sleep in while they get ready for the school day. Toast smells sometimes drift down to my room. Some talking,  mostly the TV noises. Occasional brawls do not make me rush to put out the wildfire anymore.

Then the inevitable "Bye Daddy", "See you Dad",
"Yeah, Bye! Oh. Made your lunches? fed the Cat? Done your shoes? Have a good day, see you tonight!"

Weird. I am a bit lazy sometimes, but they are all really growing up!

I am still Grumpy at breakfast, probably like my dad! Back when/then, Tarn, and my Mum too, would give "Their Man" brekky in bed to stave off the Grump from "ruining" the kid's breakfast...


I walk down the hall to get ready for the day for a Pondering Shower  or ABC news over a lonesome brekky and nice coffee.
Yeah.
Bath towels, underwear, and breakfast dishes all around the lounge. TV on.
All left in situ like a tsunami had been announced or I walked into Pompeii...

#2 Son and Heytell

#2 son is not so much a handful anymore, and some conversations are pretty good- and I though last night, pretty grown up. "We" "had" to try an "app" out on our respective iPods- 'Heytell.'

Hmmph.
Pause an old NCIS at 11:55pm and go to my pc and find and load the dang app, fine, and the iPod wanted update itself- jeze mabel!

Anyway- like coitus interruptus, the two downloads went ahead. I got the app loaded and I wondered back to see if #2 the dazzler had loaded his app.

Nah, It was in the middle of updating the song list instead...
Hmmph.

Stomped back, snatched the iPod off the umbilical, forgetting to make sure it was okay to eject it and went back to watching my show.

Finally the Frazzler got his shite together, and with much sssss's and stuff, we got it to work. Dunno how much that is gonna cost me in wasted time and money, but looks like a cool walkie talkie type thing. If a WiFi hotspot is close by that is.

To be Stung or Not
The other two progeny have really stung me this weekend. Their birthday money went on an iPod touch each with some subsidizing- I don't like one missing out- so sue me.

"Everybody else has an iPod Toch. Bwha, bwha!"
Fine where's the cash gels?
Got em, although there could have been extras for extra- like Maccas...
"There you go. Satisfied?"
Oh YEAH! They were!

Tarn would not have gone down this track I am bloody sure, but, [And Happy 39th again Tarn], I cannot help myself. A Techy Boy Thing I reckon.

And then after all set up and the facetime is finally usable:

"Everybody else is using iTunes!"

Who- What- How- Why- When?

Parents do not read the conditions, or do, don't worry or/nor care and still sign over the preciousnesses of their lives - to The Net. Or Steve Jobs and minions. (Jeze Mabel- shoulda got those Apple shares)

I did so as long as use was supervised- after all, I managed to trust #1 Son. I think.

The Sting.
Their accounts needed some real verification before accessing the app store. Really?

Big mistake.

#3b girl child went for some  free apps/songs. ["Not"!]
I was not there over her shoulder, so did not notice, AND was not told that the verification notice was in reality--- an agreement to purchase these app/songs...
Da dong...

Okay, and I agreed to what I thought was a strange way to get a freebie... Da Dong

And then  #3a girl child needed some verification code too. Still not suspicious.

As they went off to bed I recieved some emails with Apple invoices and a thankyou for using the Apps Store.


DA DONG!

WHAT?!

We had just put some credit into their accounts from Target using the rest of their birthday money from the rels at Fi-ester Weegen!

Raised my voice and berated the two rapscallions, nor Yelling but certainly crossly!
"never Never do that again! Etc etc etc..."

And then and now realised that it was all my fault anyway. Still, cheap and not cheap!

More Stings. Today

[An aside- a pay check $238. Food today $136, Sting 2- cat medicine $46]

I received a text message from The Bobby Dazzler that I could pick him up after school.
Why? No answer.
So when It gets home, It says, "we could have gone out to the grave to pay respects?"
BUGGER, yes, we could have done it that way!
Hmmph again.
Off we go to see Tarn to put a little posy in the vase thingo, share some tears, and leave.


Travelling towards home:
"I need shoes"
"Me too"
Bugger me!

So. Via the shops...

First shop, cheapos okay, but do what Tarn would have made me do anyway, and get some more quotes.

Next place.
"Yuck"
"Don't like 'em"
Get some replacement jeans on special for me...$35

Next place.
"Nah, my friend says those shoes are crap"

Back to the first one, and fork out 120 buckaroonies!

Next stop, get some shoe inserts for the injured one like the doctor says. Another $35.
By the way, from last weeks x-ray of #3b's foot, looks like there's Nothing Wrong with it...
Hmmph, knew that!

Stung too many times. Credit card, cheque book and pay check buggered again for the week.




*not sprogs! Progenies. progenics?

What do they want...

So,
three out-of-state-trips
for the kids
without me.

And more soon!
Where's that cash gunna appear from? Thin air?
Nah.
Dad the money cow. [Apologies to an old Delhi Pet geo mate, Adelaide 1986]
He don't need no noo sailin' gear!

I feel left out, as usual. That's getting so common these days an oi don know why I mention it. Boring old fart that drinks too much? Travel? Pfft.

Well, I have been where they went, and where they are going to next as well.
So it's not like not being there with them that I am going on aboot Dixie. Or Geoff Peterson. [balls!]

But I think I am. Pity. Pfft. Cant spend it.

I am glad I managed to get them there, frankly.

Last year the younger ones got to go to Cannberia [#s 3a & 3b], and Taswegia[#2], as did #1 for a----Music festival in Taswegia that he paid for!

Likely lad- LET ME OUT

gels at 2-1/3yrs

And for #2 this year it's to the Norte Wildes end e Beeg Rorck; and the younger ones are to be revisiting a fake gold-field town. A place, back six years or more(?), where I managed to actually pan out a few colours from a secret spot in the "wild" creek... and caused a minor Gold Rush, from either end of the watercourse... That Was Funny. Being a geo helps sometimes- now I sort feel what it must have been like to start the Poseidon Rush forty or more years ago. The little vial with the booty was found empty last year- so much for that Show Piece! I reckon My Dear would have loved seeing the kids back then in that place, as she would have been to go with them this year. Annoys me to think of that now.

Hells bells, I just wanna sail fast at sandy! Take a few days off down there rather than rush down and rush back tired hurt exhilarated just for 2 hrs on the water. If I have to take the gels along, hmm. How boring- I would be worried as hell leaving them alone on a beach while I reach down the inlet and back as fast as I can to make sure they are okay. If #2 comes along too- well, you cannot ride a bmx in the sand dunes now can you? How long can you fly a kite, build sandcastles or moats or slide down dunes for, or swim/paddle? By your selves? Oi! Maybe they can now... Nah. There will be the little devils riding my conscious, not to mention others! Next year maybe.

And if I like it there and enjoy myself- it would have been just Windy And Bloody Cold for them.

ahhh.

And #1 is fine BTW. From his diary-like blog I see that something is right in the world. If you ever read Diary of Adrian Mole 13-1/2, the reading from the start is just as good IMHO.

So they are being edumacated, cum ell an hi water, and well. The schools are brilliant around here.

And. So. What ever anyone says- I am not that lazy a bastd. That has been mentioned in my hearing and I hope those gits stub a toe, badly. More than once. And never bring it up again. Or bother me. Ever. Again. Some times you can't pick who will do it, and then WHAM. Threatened once. I was left shaken. Depressed. Ashamed. And the criticism of some, well! But why? Like, have they lived my life? Can't I be myself, and just help me out with or give me a proper response so I am not left wondering at the motive of the actions taken? So now, as a recent correspondent says, Fuck Em. Rude and ignorant and arrogant douche bags. Piss Off, I have more on my mind than climbing that ladder the small minds want me to. My mother-in-law said to me once, "Ah Tone, never apologise or explain! Live!" Sends shivers down my spine, what a way to go, but, sometimes, you do need to open up to soothe or be soothed

At least the wine is plenty thanks to Last Years Great Vintage because now I have to go without something else. For the kidleiwinklies. Something my critics probably would never understand, so sorry for the rant dear reader.

And the above bottles of the finest wine from the best grapes in Gippsland will be shared with kin. A few for sure at the NuHoose Over The BillsBong Location when they move in, and not long there! And soon as can be at OG, Bunnyton, Mill Rd, Sunbuns, maybe SBrahton, and The Ghurk too. Oh dear, that is not far away either, maybe there will be a bottle of The Backyard Portable Vineyard Alcoholery available---- Now I am ranting on....

From the 45 bottles above, now only 41.... It's young, and so I hope that a year, or two more, might even make it taste better, cos really, there is one a week for nearly a year... the 2006 vintage was great too my friend Hoffy says.

ABC- peoples stories- aka "Australian Story"

After reading a blog today, I was ever set up for a TV show.
Tonight I watched another heart touching story.

Another struggle over/with life's inequities.

A medal winning father lost to a young child, hopes achieved, and almost dashed.

It is not that I do not want to know about her life.
But that this battler had a hard life to a degree, losing her father when young, and getting through her latest battle- loss of a sibling just when she was at a peak of her career- while competing at the Athens Olympics. Her sibling lost in an accident as a young married father of two. Like my wife. Single automobile accident.

Like show business- the competition was still on- but how did she really get through that?

Coaches persuade you to.
Well, to give it great thought in a now or never situation, as it were.

The grieving can be used to motivate, or use you.

And then went on with the help of her family and friends to be a medal winner at the latest Commonwealth games. Watch out London!

Just another tear jerking experience for me maybe, but the kids let me alone enough tonight that after it finished, I was okay to bid them goodnight without a "loss of face"(?)... They have to catch me first- but I am thinking it will be easier as time goes on to show that side of me to them.

I have had that coaches' persuasion- from my wife's family and my family after losing my life partner-

that no matter what- 

life still has to/will /does go on, with or without you.

One of those in my large family circle gets through the loss of three immediate family members like -  hmm. 

Another inspiration. She can/does/has, like me. Let her show you

Almost, not every day, there is a reminder somewhere/somehow, and a catch in the throat or the wiping of the eye, of losses experienced.

For me, it is for what her kids cannot have, that we had for a little while our special person.

And what I have. Had.

A box of birthday or Valentine Day cards appear from a shelf. 

Someone says "She is so like Tarnia".

Our eldest finishing high school.

My in-ability to consider a new partner, maybe never again, haunts me. I am so selfish.

The girls at the edge- precipice- of menarche.

The shoe box (yes a box of ) photos gets dragged from it's hidey hole (not!).

Frazzlerdazzler getting good grades to impress the young teachers in the math and science classes - !?! And wanting an electric shaver at 15.

Catching up with long lost college friends. To tell the story again.

Sad Australian Stories.

Being somewhat geeky and a loner, I can get so Marvined I can gloss over/bumble through the day with a to-do-list longer than the Australian National Anthem- something I don't understand but will stumble through the best I can.